Type. Delete. Type. Delete. Cry. Type. Delete. Get angry. Type. Delete. Cry. Type. Delete. Type really fast. Delete. Watch the cursor blink... type.
That's about how this post went over and over again as I tried, again , to come to terms with what happened in Las Vegas on Sunday night and articulate my thoughts it to anything that resembled sense. I even put this post on delayed publishing so I had time to change my mind and delete it if I wanted to...
You see, generally I don't get this rattled by all the horrible things that happen in the world, generally, I am able to stay rational and try to make sense of it, or even just redirect my self and focus on the good in the world.
But... I can't.
I'm angry. Really really angry. I want action, I want reason, I want to be able to do something, anything - and I can't. There is no sense in a senseless act. There is no good in pure evil. At my last count 18 friends and loved ones were at the Route 91 Harvest Festival when the shooting occurred. While I am extremely thankful that each one of them is alive we cant say the same for many of their friends and loved ones that were in attendance. A good family friend was shot in her calf, and thankfully is as "ok" as anyone could be after experiencing the horrors that she endured Sunday night.
My brother in law Marc, a 7 year Navy veteran was also there that night. He has some puncture wounds on his hand from helping others over fences and to safety, but is otherwise physically "ok".
He stopped to fix a tourniquet on a young girl that had been haphazardly applied on a young girl who was bleeding out, saving her life. Dom and he were able to finally to connect on the phone a few hours after he got to safety and I heard the pain and sadness in his voice when he was telling the story. The entire situation seemed so surreal.
You see, I'm extremely lucky to be married to a big tough Italian man with the last name Lassalle - his little brother Marc is no different, when you think of a big tough Italian guy the picture in your head probably looks something like Dom and Marc. They're the most fiercely loyal protectors around, but they also feel deeply and grieve deeply, their compassion for others is overwhelming. I have no doubt that Marc was thinking about everyone before himself, and acted in a way that ensured the safety of many on Sunday night. And, that's why I'm upset. These were MY people. MY friends, MY family, MY community. My heart is breaking that any one of them had to endure even a moment of pain.
Marc, like many other trained first responders, military and medical professionals didn't run from the gunfire - they ran towards it. They helped each other, just like Americans do. My only hope through all this tragedy is that people can set aside petty differences and band together.
Marc was interviewed on air by KSFO and gave his first hand account, I have linked the podcast of the show here for those that would like to listen.
I also cant ignore that Tom Petty, whose lyrics always fought for the under dog passed away just a few hours after the events in Vegas transpired. The lyrics from "Learning to Fly" keep swirling around in my head - if you haven't heard the song its about the highs and lows in life and how we cant have one with out the other...
I leave you with how I can best describe how I am feeling in lyrics by the late Tom Petty...
Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
XOXO | SLL